The things I have endured mean no more, or no less than others. I DO NOT compare life stories. Reason being, we all are effected by situations differently. What may be traumatic to you, may be a small thing to me; and what may shake my worlds to the ground, you may brush off of yourself like nothing's happened.
As an addict, and a victim of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse...I honestly can say I've struggled all my life to find out who I am.
I've been in rehab at least 4 times, and never found the 12 steps to help. I am speaking only for me. It's worked for numerous amounts of people, including family members. I'd rather not have to answer to those that think I'm bashing AA or NA. That's not what I mean, and I won't defend myself to something, that I've already stated. I think both programs are wonderful.
When I was a small boy, I wanted to be a biker or a preacher. I found that even though I had a twisted view of what God is, or who He was supposed to be in my life. They always said "speak to Him as if He was your Father." Well every Father I've ever had abused me, molested me, and treated me like a piece of garbage, except my "Dad" who was my last step-dad, and I consider the only Dad I ever had.
Its hard to perceive God as a Dad if you've had a terrible childhood. It's hard to not feel like His love is like the rest of theirs; conditional, based on performance.
I'm learning that I don't have to perform for God. He knows I'm going to fail. He knows that I sin, He doesnt want me to, and wants me to try not to. He does know however that I'm going to. What He expects of me is a relationship with Him. He wants me to talk to Him, trust in Him, and tell others about Him. I also have to believe that He sent His son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for my sins, and on the 3rd day was resurrected. I also believe in the Holy Spirit. The trinity.
I look at God as my creator, and my savior. I also look at Him as the only person I can trust with my deepest darkest secrets. Right, or wrong... I still tell Him.
Life it's a bag of crap sometimes because evil people do evil things. I choose to take those evil things, and speak life into others.
In His Grip,
Foster
Thank you for this sharing....
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon your blog while browsing and I applaud you being brave enough to write down your thoughts. I pray that the Lord will continue to work in your life and may you find peace in HIM.
Continue to seek HIM everyday as this is a relationship that you are building... Just imagine the God of trillion planets know you and has a plan for you even before time begun...
I wish you well my friend and have a good one...